


Women Don't Have Prostates

by AryaNoName (merrymegtargaryen)



Series: Westeros Academy [6]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/M, westeros academy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-22
Updated: 2013-09-22
Packaged: 2017-12-27 08:32:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/976671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merrymegtargaryen/pseuds/AryaNoName
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Hot Pie has a secret.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Women Don't Have Prostates

**Author's Note:**

> Written, as usual, for emmanatrix. Warning for a Glee reference. Enjoy!

Hot Pie was always kind of weird. Everyone knew it.

But he was acting really weird now. Even for Hot Pie.

“What do you mean you can’t come to practice?” Arya demanded.

“I just can’t,” Hot Pie said helplessly.

“Battle of the Bands is in two weeks and we suck,” she said angrily. “And you just can’t come to practice.”

“I’m really sorry, Arya!” he wailed. “I have a thing! A really important thing!”

“More important than your friends?” she demanded.

Hot Pie started crying. Arya hated when he cried, so she kicked him and stormed off.

.

“Where’s Hot Pie?” Gendry wanted to know when Lommy walked in the movie theater, dripping wet.

“I don’t know!” Lommy said moodily. His converses were squelching when he walked. “He texted me five minutes ago and said something came up. What, I ask you, could be more important than The Others 2?!”

“He would just cry through the whole thing anyway,” Arya dismissed. 

That didn’t mean she wasn’t pissed off and didn’t kick Hot Pie the next time she saw him. 

.

Hot Pie got even weirder.

He didn’t show up for several more band practices, and when they talked about going to the mall one Saturday, he said he couldn’t because he had homework.

“You never do your homework,” Arya pointed out. 

“You don’t know that,” he said with great indignation.

“Okay, so let me copy your answers.”

He blanched. “I, um…don’t believe in working the system.”

“Our song for Battle of the Bands is about opposing the system you moron.”

Hot Pie started to cry again.

.

“What do you think is going on?” Arya asked when they met for band practice and Hot Pie had another last-minute cancellation.

“He told me he had to help his mom after she got surgery,” said Lommy.

Gendry frowned. “What surgery?”

“On her prostate. It was enlarged,” Lommy explained.

Arya and Gendry exchanged looks.

“Lommy, women don’t have prostates,” Gendry said.

Lommy’s mouth fell open. 

“Well, Hot Pie’s officially up to something,” decided Arya. 

“Something he doesn’t want us to know about,” added Gendry.

“But it’s Hot Pie. What deep, dark secret would he want to keep from us?” Arya wanted to know.

Lommy’s face twisted. “Maybe he’s sick or something.” When the other two stared at him, he said, “My aunt had cancer and she didn’t want anybody to know, so she just told everyone she had conferences and stuff.”

“Oh my god.” Arya put her head in her hands. “Hot Pie is dying.”

“I’m sure he’s fine,” said Gendry, but it was obvious he didn’t believe the words coming out of his own mouth. “We’ll just corner him and make him tell us.”

.

This was easier said than done.

Hot Pie seemed to know a confrontation was coming because they never saw him outside of class. Even would-be innocent attempts to lure him to dinner or Gendry or Arya’s dorm failed.

“You’re his roommate; haven’t you noticed where he goes?” Arya demanded of Lommy.

He shrugged helplessly. “He’s out the door before I wake up and he doesn’t come back until really late.”

Arya kicked him in frustration.

.

It was Bran who told them that Hot Pie spent every afternoon in the godswood. Arya didn’t even let him finish, just stormed off to find her friend.

They found Hot Pie, all right—kissing Myrcella Baratheon.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Arya screeched.

The two sprang apart, blushing furiously.

“We thought you had cancer, you asshole!” Gendry bellowed. He paused. “But, uh, way to go.”

“Please don’t tell anyone,” begged Myrcella. “We didn’t want Joffrey to find out.”

“Yeah, but we wouldn’t have told anyone,” said Lommy.

“We didn’t want to take any chances,” insisted Myrcella. 

Arya frowned. “I don’t understand how I didn’t know my roommate and one of my best friends were sneaking around.”

“For the same reason you didn’t figure out that Dumbledore was gay,” pointed out Gendry.

“I WAS PRETTY POSITIVE HE AND MCGONAGALL WERE GETTING IT.”

“What even made you two want to date each other?” Gendry wanted to know.

Hot Pie and Myrcella exchanged sappy looks. “We love to bake.”

Arya wanted to throw up.


End file.
